Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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