i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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