Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
