the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
