I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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