Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
