my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize