Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
