I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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