Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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