once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
