We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
