Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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