dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.