If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder