You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.