Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.