So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia