I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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