Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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