Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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