Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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