Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
