I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
