I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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