I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
