JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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