We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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