I bet he comes in French.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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