My room smells like vodka and shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
