I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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