He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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