i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
