I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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