Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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