I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
