I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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