i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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