i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
