I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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