My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
