dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
