Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
