we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
