Ambien. No doubt about it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
pray to the hookup gods
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
