So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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