put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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