Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
