Tell her she can't have a vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she told me i tasted like america
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
