I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
