No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I intend to get homeless drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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