at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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