First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize