Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
