i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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