She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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