upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
