I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
