it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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