i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
