so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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