tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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