Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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