She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
