You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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