you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
