Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
