when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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