And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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