I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
