You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
